Grieving the Older Generation

Two weeks ago my ninety-four-year-old father-in-law passed away, only three-and-a-half months after his wife. I have been in their family for forty years now and am very saddened by their deaths. My own father died when he was sixty-three, an age when he should have been enjoying his grandchildren. I have learned a lot about grief in the ensuing years. I am certainly no expert; I am merely one journeying through the loss of the older generation.

What have I learned so far?

First, it’s necessary to face grief rather than ignore it. I tried the fleeing tactic with my father, and it didn’t work. In shutting down thoughts about him because they hurt, it took me a very long time to process his loss. At the time I mistakenly believed that Christians should be strong and joyful rather than sad because we expect to see the departed again. In reality however, I needed to grieve my own loss and also process the fact that my young children would never have the benefit of really knowing him. Eventually, I faced the hurt and accepted the losses by allowing myself to grieve.

 

Second, aging itself has losses that may come long before death. My father-in-law was sharp until the day he died, but in his last year he was so bound by his health issues that he lost the great freedom to drive and live in his own home. My mother-in-law had several strokes which affected her memory. In reality we lost the people whom we loved long before their deaths. Grieving them isn’t simply done at death but it often involves facing loss after loss after loss—for both the family and the one who is aging.

Finally, the hope of the life to come does make a difference to those facing death and to those of us left behind. Although it doesn’t erase the grief, it does make it bearable. When waves of sorrow threaten to overcome us, the expectation of a reunion someday prevents us from drowning in it.

Thanks be to Jesus who made a way for us to a place without mourning, crying, or pain (Rev. 21:4).