Kim Kardashian and the Minute Marriage

Explaining her divorce filing from NBA player Kris Humphries after only ten weeks of marriage, reality star Kim Kardashian released this statement: "I hope everyone understands this was not an easy decision. I had hoped this marriage was forever but sometimes things don't work out as planned." Court documents cite irreconcilable differences as the reason behind the divorce. Humphries seems upset by the filing, saying he is “devastated” and willing to work on the marriage.

Apparently, they had plenty of time to plan an elaborate made-for-television wedding, spending lavish amounts of money, but they don’t have time to plan their marriage and discuss the issues that are now irreconcilable.

What thinking in our culture has led to the “minute marriage” or even those that last longer but get no more effort to fix the problems than this one? What attitudes that devastate marriage are flourishing even in the church? Here are three thinking patterns I hear when I listen carefully.

First, the prevalent thinking is that marriage is supposed to make me happy. When it doesn’t, it’s time for a change because it’s broken. In contrast, biblically marriage is part of God’s character-building work. It is one way for iron to sharpen iron (Prov. 27:17). A good marriage that projects the oneness of Christ and the church is a picture to the world of love and faithfulness.  Such a marriage is the framework for building strong families.

Second, we have made the most important thing the wedding rather than the lives that will be joined together. There is little sense of the sacredness of vows. God takes vows seriously, and we must also. When so many brides and grooms write their own vows, it’s easy to forget what is being promised—to be faithful until death.  Who married Kim and Kris? Did they talk about anything other than the ceremony? Did they get any counseling about the marriage itself?

Third, we live in an age when we expect instant everything. We get frustrated when our computers are slow and our internet isn’t working. Even some “Christian” counselors often tell their clients to give up on their marriages without ever really working on them. There is nothing instant about a good marriage. It takes time to learn to work together and through problems. We come into marriage as two very different people, and God uses those differences to help us each grow into better people as we learn to work as a team. That, however, takes time. After almost 40 years at it, my husband and I are still learning how to be better spouses for one another. Marriage is about dying to self and becoming more unselfish. It is about communicating our differences so we can become better partners for one another. It is about being friends and giving that a chance to grow and bloom. All these things take time.

If I could say one thing to all of you about marriage, it is this—don’t give up on your marriage. God is the business of changing people, and that includes you and me!

What other thinking patterns do you see behind our short-lived marriages?